This is a form of avoidance of real feelings and issues that someone may be having. In the practice of toxic positivity, negative feelings are labeled as “bad”. This follows closely with how society and social media have put positive feelings on a pedestal. When people show that they have positive feelings and positive vibes, the image perceived by others is likely that they are well-adjusted and are living well. On the other hand, a display of negative feelings seems to mean that the person is struggling and creating an awkward, uncomfortable environment. Letting others know that one has negative feelings, when paired with the idea that negativity is bad, creates shame and guilt in the person expressing their feelings.
Effects
How many times have you or someone you know brushed your problems aside to focus on the positive? Have people told you “you’re not the only one with problems”? These are likely responses when expressing distress of any level to others. It can be difficult for someone to know how to comfort someone else who is feeling down. In an attempt to help and “be positive”, these are responses that might naturally come out. While these sayings likely come from a well-meaning place, they are examples of toxic positivity. This is not to be confused with positivity as we think of it. Positivity itself means to be optimistic or have an optimistic attitude. Toxic positivity on the other hand, means having an optimistic attitude even when you have no inclination or mood to do so.
Positivity is toxic when it:
- Ignores the existence of a problem
- Makes people question or disregard their own feelings
- Minimizes the severity of problems and injustices
- Invalidates people’s feelings and problems
- Suggests that positivity can solve their issues
When toxic positivity leads to a sense of shame for feeling negative feelings and for expressing them, the message that gets across to people is that they are not welcome to speak their true feelings unless they are positive.
Health Risks
Avoiding negative feelings for too long can also start to affect one’s mental health. Studies have shown that bottling up emotions can lead to increased aggression. It can increase the chances of premature death by more than 30%. The risk of being diagnosed with cancer is also increased by 70%.
Lack of Empathy and Communication Failure
Toxic positivity also supports the idea that someone’s issues and negative feelings can be uncalled for based on how severe the issue that created those negative feelings is. Creating a scale to judge problems and their appropriate responses does not change the fact that what someone feels is genuine. Feelings cannot be simply changed based on logic and knowing that a problem is small in the grand scheme of things will not make any feelings disappear into thin air. In the same way, problems do not disappear just because they seem to be less severe than another more catastrophic issue. In this way, problems are left to fester and can only get worse if they are being ignored. Toxic positivity uses a scale by “looking on the bright side” and subsequently invalidates people’s emotions and problems.
A relationship where both parties cannot freely express their feelings or talk about their problems means communication is constricted. A failure to communicate will not allow a relationship to grow. Instead this can lead to isolation and stunt relationships. The relationships affected can be between friends, a parent and child, or even within oneself. Positivity itself has its benefits, but like many things, too much of it is harmful and even toxic.
